FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
