Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
