you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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