i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
