He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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