Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
