I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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