I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize