____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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