I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
