I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
