I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
