you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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