apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
