So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
