Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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