All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
NoShamevember. You game?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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