This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
