Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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