Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
