Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
