he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
