thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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