Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
