He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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