How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
