I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
