lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
