Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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