Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
