bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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