Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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