At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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