I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
