bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
