So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
