I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
