I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
