i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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