To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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