My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
