She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
