At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
