I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
