it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
