Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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