remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
