how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
