i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
