Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
