They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
