I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
