dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
