Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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