I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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