some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
