I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
