On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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