Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
