you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
