Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
