my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
