Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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